Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Dress for Sale on EBay...Finally!


  • Because I am finally getting around to selling it (heads up, Check EBay this week),
  • and because I finally have a digital photo of it to post (ha! a digital of an old fashioned photo)
  • and because the forum where the article has been posted for years has been going offline (be sure to see the delightful comments folks have posted there).
...Here is my infamous article, now with a new old photo taken of me doing the "greet the parishoners at the door so they can say 'Nice sermon, pastor!." Even though I would write it differently now...here it is:
----

“MY DRESS FOR SALE ON E-BAY”

BUSTED: FAKING THE "BIG ONE"

I had been busted.

Immediately plunged into crisis by a simple question.

I intuitively knew that my answer to the simple, straightforward question would change my life. But for the life of me, I had no clue what the answer would, could or should be. The question was innocent and innocuous enough, but any answer would inevitably undress and unveil me as guilty. And it was not a “yes or no” question, but an open essay question. I had to actually talk; I had major explaining to do. But I was numbfounded and nailed. And busted big time.

The practical, provocative question that the bold asker asked, with equal parts “This is so bizarre; I really need to know” look in his eyes, and “I’m not sure I want to know” fearful waver in his voice? Read on, but only if you can handle the truth and whole truth (so help you, God) about me. Hold your breath..and if possible, your judgement. And don’t call the cops on me…yet. The life-rearranging question at hand:

“Pastor, If you don’t mind my asking…

...Why are you wearing a .....

dress?”

Thud.

No, that was not my body thudding the floor (though it was tempted in that direction), but the involuntarily and (hopefully) inaudible thud- gulp of simultaneous terror and relief that anyone whose secret, addiction, or sin has just been unceremoniously uncovered recognizes. I attempted to match my questioner’s bravery by looking him squarely in the eye; knowing I couldn’t opt out or cop out with a “Hey, I’d love to answer that sometime soon, but right now….wouldn’t you know it, it’s the darndest thing….. I feel a heart attack coming on. In fact, it feels like the ‘Big One.’ Say, would you mind calling 911?”

Oddly, in the midst of all this frantic and futile nanosecond daydreaming of escape-scenarios, one of my immediate reactions was admiration for this man’s bold honesty in even asking. Not so oddly, another reaction was praying desperately for every fire alarm on the block to suddenly sound, or at least for Jesus to come back. I knew I had no… good… answer. I nervously wiped my hand across my..uh, dress… and resigned myself to the inevitable: I had been outed. Confession time. I mustered all my inner reserves and resources; swallowed my pride and my earlier thud-gulp, and managed an initial:

“Uh…”

“Uh…well..,” My articulate non-answer uneloquently began. I made a

fairly smooth (I hope) recovery; kept a reasonably straight and stoic (yeah, right!) face; though I knew I didn’t have anything to say to justify myself; to redeem my situation..or my incriminating clothes. Busted indeed.

PAUL HARVEY INTERVENES

But before you call the counselors or cops on me, hear out the “rest of the story.” Starting with the prequel; the gentleman’s first question to me, as he shook my hand (and my world):

"Pastor, I loved the service...But I can ask one question?"

Like the holy fool (more on that moniker later) I was, I stupidly shot back a surefire “Sure!,” oblivious to the bomb about to drop.

Context: I had been doing the traditional pastoral "greeting everyone at the exit door" thing; like I had hundreds of times before; like thousands of pastors have done. You know: shaking hands with visitors, hugging the saints (sinners, too!), kissing babies, passing out cigars (OK, just kidding on that one!) hearing quick confessions and the requisite "Great sermon, Pastor," ….like most mainline church pastors are “job-descriptioned” into. It was maybe 1993….many moons and wineskins ago... when I was happily pastoring as an "underground evangelical missionary" in a denomination that “overground” was mainline, mainly sidelined… and mainly apostate. Despite the challenges, part of what I really enjoyed about being such a stealth Jesus-preaching pastor in a largely derailed denomination (many of my peer pastors were preaching anything but Jesus….from an easily digested Reader'sDigestism to all-out outright worship of Sophia…if worship of anyone at all!), but because the "official" doctrine was solid, and because I was called to that particular tribe, I was able to stay; taking much-needed encouragement from Paul’s model for such ministry: "becoming all things to all people that I might save some."

STEALTH PASTOR

So, as much as I could in good conscience, I went native; in many, if not all, things related to church culture-custom. And some were saved. I acculturated myself into the mainline expectations and roles. For example, it was not technically required, but an unwritten expectation/”rule” in this tradition that most pastors worth their salt and seminary would wear pastoral robes or clerical collars; at least for “official” worship services. I was never comfortable submitting to the former (but did for my first few years, as I felt it was one of the “all things” that would help me gain a hearing..uh, job!), and only succumbed the latter once (That wild story in a minute!).

As with many of the oldline denominational adherents, folks in our denominational “family” would move from another state, and upon arriving in our city, simply look up the closest church of that tribe, and go to it, immediately joining it, no questions asked! No need to church shop or hop, you trusted the brand name; the company store. You even brought with you a "letter of transfer." As unwise and naive as that often was, it often sovereignly and serendipitously worked in our favor: people “accidentally” found Christ! People that had never tasted vibrant relationship with the Christ of Christianity, but had grown up in a congregation of our ‘brand name” (sometimes for four generations back) would trust a “transfer” and “lateral move” to our town and church; often experiencing conversion before they knew what/Who hit them! And because they trusted the "company message" , they often trusted Christ. After all, you are “supposed to" trust and obey what the "professionally trained clergy” says. I loved it when people would make an appointment with me (the officially “dressed” representative of God and “home office”) to talk about "getting my kid done" (baptized). When they came in, I didn't chew them out about trusting in a ritual to magically save their kid; I started where they were; and walked them through the (thoroughly evangelical) parental vows in the "official manual" for baptism, and was able to simply point them towards a more biblical view of, and relationship with, Jesus. It was rewarding stuff. Even if the right doors only opened for three wrong reasons: because I went to the right school, belonged to the right outfit…. AND wore the right outfit. Jesus, in Matthew 10:16 had asked us to be “sneaky as snakes and docile as doves.” So I dressed like a snake…uh, woman…uh, “professional “ pastor. But I was a dove inside.

Once I had a 92 year old trust Jesus in my office, when he heard of such a possibility for the first time (though he had attended that church for decades, perhaps since before I..or my parents..were born). I heard later that around twenty years before, he had felt that there might be "something he needed to do" to get right with God. He did what he was "supposed to do," he made an appointment with the pastor at the time, who dutifully told him "Don't worry about it, just join the church, and you will be fine." The pastor assured him that any talk he might have been hearing about "accepting Jesus" was huge hogwash! (the kind of wild-eyed fanaticism advocated by those churches and pastors who didn’t wear dresses).
So what an honor to find that this man was still hungry for the “something more” It was beautiful. Oh, did I mention this was a premarital counseling appointment?! It was unspeakably cool and confirming to officiate the wedding of a new convert nonageneraian and his lovely and Jesus-loving (eighty-something ) bride…even if I did have to don the dreaded dress (the bride’s was far prettier!) for the ceremony.
But it was worth it all to hear stories about the last few tears of this man’s married life, as age and Alzheimers crept in. It seems he would actually say things like "This is my wife..uh, what's your name, honey?....But let me tell you about Jesus!!".
Husband and wife are both with Jesus now, and could it be that they might not be if I hadn’t… dressed right?

HE NEVER CAME BACK

I don’t know, but it’s time to get back to the prequel:

"So glad you felt at home.,” I assured the first-time visitor, whose turn in line was about to take a twist, and last a bit longer than the typical transaction….all because I added, “Sure, ask your question..(famous last word)..anything!"

"Okay.” He hesitated momentarily but spit it out. "Pastor….Why do you wear a dress?"

This is where you came in. Now you recall my thunderstruck thud.

But how could he NOT have asked? Unlike veteran mainliners who knew no other appropriate attire for a “preacher”, this pre-Christian seeker (refreshingly) had zero background with church and Christianese, let alone church culture cues, or dress codes thereof. Thus he honestly had no clue or construct about what to do with a robed preacher. The only possible word he had in his file for what I was wearing was “dress.” (Hey, it least it was my “color,” as the sweet church ladies always told me!).

So it was a legitimate and logical question. Actually, I have no full memory of the particular answer I fumbled and stumbled out. It must have been something like: “Oh, that! (Laughing) Gee, I realize how it could look like a dress; but hey, don’t worry! In our tradition, pastors often wear robes to….” How in the world did I finish that sentence?! I had no acceptable answer, and still don’t, at least acceptable to me. But thank God the good man seemed fairly satisfied with all that I said; at left least mostly convinced that I wasn’t a cross-dresser (Though I doubt he’d let me babysit his kids!).

But the sequel is telling: Even though he admitted loving the worship service that day (he seemed to really mean it, and I already had all kinds of hope for him encountering Christ among us), you guessed it:

He never came back.

Which is partly why my robe is on sale on EBay.

Soon after, I finally quit wearing a robe at that church, I just couldn't do it for a number of reasons. Primary among them was not “What do non-Christians think about guys wearing dresses?”, but gnotty theological problems I had wrestled with from day one of my days in the pastorate, and in the outfit. Note well that I had (and have) no problem with pastors who feel and dress differently than I now do, in fact they had better dress as they believe they are called. But for me, it would be a compromise, even a sin, to wear the old robe (even the one that was my color) on Sundays, and I would actually challenge all pastors and priests to consider prayerfully and carefully the message that the medium (robes) inescapably send. Again, “Some of my best friends wear robes,” and it is invigorating to see new life flood postmodern-sensitive churches are they blend old and new with meaningful liturgy..sometimes involving robes. One need not throw the wine out with wineskin; nor the robe with the vow to eschew “meaningless ritual.” Like Paul in Philippians 1:18, I must rejoice whenever and wherever Christ is preached..clothes of the preacher must ultimately be (pun intended) immaterial.

But I must live with myself…and I can’t myself live with a robe which was intentionally intended to communicate (against my will) that I am of a higher class/caste: a “clergy” who alone can authentically and apostolically teach the lowly “laypeople, ” as I am intrinsically and inherently (by virtue of my schooling and whose hands and “seal of approval” were laid on me) more “anointed.” I’ll never forget the shock of realizing what the colorfully red neckline represented on my pastor’s robe: I had been thinking all along it carried some neat theological connotation: blood of Jesus, Pentecost, whatever. Then I found out it was the “doctor’s bars” of academic robe! I just couldn’t wear something like that..in church. You can have more degrees than a summer day in Fresno, and still not be a servant- leader.
My district superintendent, who helped assign “appointments” of pastors to churches, often (half)teased the pastors under his charge: “Just because you’re anointed doesn’t mean you’ll be appointed.” I won’t claim to belong to a higher class of Christian, just because I am a pastor. In fact the only “higher level” specifically promised Christian leaders (viaJames 3:1) is a “stricter judgement” !! And the word “layperson” comes from the original biblical Koine Greek “laos” which clearly means simply “people.” So for me to claim a title of “clergy” implies that I am of a higher class and genus than “people.” Hey, I am only people, too…pastoral calling and all: which of course was one of the Reformation’s trumpet calls a few hundred years ago. But ironically, the Reformation didn’t go far enough, in fact it perpetuated some of the problems embedded in the system it was trying to shed, and directly infected the infested system that “Protest-ants” have inherited today!!

“Reformer John Calvin determined he would NOT wear priestly robes,” Jim Rutz writes in “The Open Church”. “As a protest to the costumed pageantry of other clergy, he stuck to his business suit for even the most formal church occasions.” Sounds good and God-inspired so far? I think it was, and it’s pretty much what I did for the first few years of nonrobed preaching. Yet the clincher: “But alas, his followers through the ages have also worn a business suit—EXACT COPIES OF CALVIN”S BUSINESS SUIT. And thus today, when you see a Presbyterian minister in full regalia, you are looking at a sixteenth century Swiss Brooks Brothers boardroom special.”



For those wanting more powerful, provocative evidence of the often antithetical, at times pagan origins of many of the “sacred cows” of Protestantism (from pews to pulpits) , or church in general, start with the Rutz book just quoted, or the explosive online expose b y Gene Edwards, which lives up to its title: “Beyond Radical.”(Free online here).

SACRED COWS AND PROFANE TESTIMONIES

Sacred cows often make better burgers. But I don’t desire to be inordinately iconoclastic, or a rebel without a cause; or fall into the “Polo Shirts are the new robes” trap, or even to make a big deal about what on the surface appears a superficial and neutral issue..like clothes. Yet because clothes are literally surface issues, (that is, on the surface of my frame) and thus unavoidably visible, I cannot NOT consider the implications of what I wear. My clothes speak. I cannot not preach by what I wear. I am glad that most Sundays, I just wear what I want to; I am not intentionally and reactionarily sending or not sending a message…except the unspoken message to all us “laypeople”: it just may be alright with the Almighty if we chill out and wear what we want (within reason and season of course! I love the statement on our church website: “Dressing up is accepted, but not expected”..Anyway, here (is a photo revealing how I typically dress when I preach on Sundays (if I preach on Sundays at all, another shift in which cows are sacred) .

And it should suffice as evidence that I don’t necessarily think any pastor is in the wrong to wear a robe that mine is soon for sale on E-Bay..where some of you might actually buy it (take my robe…please!)…and even (gasp!) wear it to preach in! I didn’t burn it; right or wrong, I’m E-Baying it. Though I am fine with whatever use you want to put it to: Halloween costume, satirical skit (someone actually borrowed my robe once to play a judge…hmmm, there’s another wake-up call regarding what message a robe sends!), kindling. Be imaginative! But don’t imagine me wearing it again…

For some reason, though ( I hope its just nostalgia about the story I am about to tell), I haven’t been able to take my clerical collar off the mirror and into the trash..or onto E-Bay. I’ve already teased about telling about the day (one only) I wore it. Let me say upfront that it’s Harry’s fault! I probably wouldn't have done it for anyone else but Harry! I officiated his
wedding, too ( in a suit, thank you very much! He didn't ask me to wear a dress, thank God!) On a more serious note, the story is this: Harry's brother lost his wife suddenly, and though the family were nominally Catholic, and actually had no church; there was the background and vestige of Catholicism so woven into the fabric of the family history that nothing would authenticate a funeral officiant more object width="425" height="344">than a collared clergy. Sigh! I told my mouth to tell Harry “No,” but it came out a God-breathed “Yes.” All things to all people, the Lord reminded me…that some might be saved.
I was honored to be asked to do the funeral, though it was a difficult one; she was too young.

Visiting with the family, and realizing that many of the friends that would be in attendance were not only nominally Catholic, but far from the church and Christ.. Reading the wife's journal, we found heartfelt and desperate prayers to Jesus for salvation, healing and guidance, It was enough for me to preach positively and hopefully about her God-relationship. So I felt better about officiating..collar and all.
(I had to go out and buy one..finding of course the least conspicuous and least clergy-looking style available; connected to a light-blue shirt, of course). And yes, my “in the know” friends smiled (okay, “smirked”)at me as I entered the funeral home. But God worked in amazing ways at that
service. Self-confessed drug-addicted, non-church folks, stood up and gave testimony (Often with colorful but heartfelt words) about what the deceased had meant to them. The Catholic relatives hung on my every word of grace and comfort. Don Secrest still laughs about how I even had everyone in the room pray..in unison, out loud, a prayer of leaning our lives on Jesus. I mean, that's what they were expecting, a "repeat after me " liturgy." And I couldn’t in good faith offer a “Hail Mary,”, so I created a downhome “Hey, Jesus” prayer. That’s right, I..and hopefully God through me..made one up, an honest one that seekers and sailors; doubters and drunks could say and pray with integrity as they tested and tiptoed their way towards the Christ their departed friend seem to know. Folk who wouldn’t darken the door of a church felt free to express themselves in profanity-laced testimonies to God and even to “accept Jesus”..partly because the officiating shepherd (who actually felt very sheepish in his get-up) wore a clerical collar ( to his conscience a veritable clown suit), and seemed the real deal. Go figure.

CLOWING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

Clown suit, huh? But one man’s clown suit is another man’s lifeline. I can’t judge that; I might even preach in a literal clown suit (or worse..a dress! Does E-Bay let you buy back your own stuff!!) if God wills.

My neighbor when I was a teen, once asked his mom to buy him what some called a "gook jacket." It was what the cool ”rowdy” kids wore; a hooded sweatshirt. The funny thing is that my dad had somehow managed to buy and wear one; probably unaware that it was the hippest thing for teens; it was more likely a functional purchase. My dad was not one to embarrassingly dress “young” just to be hip with the kids, he was and is already just naturally cool.

"No! Never! You cannot have one of those jackets," his mother shot back. "That's what the crooks; the bad kids wear!"

But my swift friend did not relent; he took full advantage of the opportunity. He had a secret, and was about to go for the big guns.

"But Mom!," he protested, armed with his decidedly weighty argument: "But Mr. Wainscott wears one!"
His mom had the shutdown comeback, however: "I don’t care if Mr. Wainscott wears a clown suit!! If Mr. Wainscott wears a clown suit, are you going to want one of those, too? The answer is no!

For me, wearing a "preaching robe" is the equivalent of a clown suit…or the dreaded dress my visiting parishioner mis(?)took it for. Again, I am all for pastors wearing such if God leads and needs.
But I'd better be careful; there actually IS a "clown eucharist" service! No comment, but here's an actual photo and a live link)

...And I had better be as open and as stripped of preconceived dress codes as was Salvation Army founder William Booth. The story is told that many criticized Booth for dressing in military gear, and banging a drum, to attract attention to his outdoor preaching. He reportedly replied: “I’d stand on my head and bang a drum, if it meant one soul would come to Jesus!” I would like to be like Booth when I grow up! So I try to never say never…

Partly because I am attracted to being a..

“Holy Fool,” which is a wonderful tradition of the Eastern Church who periodically pops up here in the West. In the Russian tradition, some of the saints would do almost anything to avoid being perceived as saints. One of them kept offering to wrestle bears so people would think him a nut and not praise him as a saint. In the West, St. Philip Neri acted goofy, partly because he enjoyed being a goof and partly to throw people off the scent of his sanctity and keep them from gushing over him. When offered a cardinal's hat, he proceeded to play football with it. Currently, we saw something of the Holy Fool in Forrest Gump a few years ago. All such fools have one thing in common: they know they are not wise. Similarly, those who are convinced of their innate wisdom are invariably great ninnies. It's far better to be a fool for Christ than to be a fool on one's own. Today, thank God for the folly that is his wisdom.

1 Corinthians 3:18 Let no one deceive himself. If any one among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise.
-Mark Shea, Daily Cathloc Exchange Devotional, Aopril 1, 2005




Yet tough questions remain. If even the Salvation Army needs to address and redress (literally) the way it operates, so be it. All for the same motive of “whatever it takes!.” It could be that wearing an Army uniform,or a clerical collar, or a 1500s Swiss business suit only gets in the way of an effective explanation and demonstration of the gospel in this postmodern, postevangelical, post-Post-It note, postpost (yada) age. And it also may be that the Lord will prompt even me to wear one or more (hopefully not all at once!)of the above if a soul is at stake. I’d like to even believe I’d dress in that “dress again”, for Christ’s sake…even for Harry’s sake. But until then, color me in jeans (maybe Dockers), a polo shirt and sneakers.. And color me quite cautious about anything more formal or freaky, I’m fine in my polo shirt..
until and unless that becomes a new “robe”. Agonizingly, anything can become idolatrous and adulterous. Even though Paul warns well not to get up in arguments over neutral things, and None less than Jesus commands “Don’t worry about what you wear!” (Love to see that verse…Matthew 6:25.. on the front door of churches! Hope I’m not too sarcastic and faithless when I say “That’ll be the day!”). But do you know the apparent reason that “dressing up” for church (not just by the clergy) was encouraged? Gene Edwards and James Rutz fill in some blanks again:
Quote:
Why did Christians start dressing up to go to church? If you've ever yanked a tie tightly around your sweaty neck on a hot, steaming day-or ouched your way to church in a pair of not-quite-fitting high heels, you may have said to yourself, "I'd sure like to meet the dirty dog who invented these things ... in a dark alley."
Actually, you're probably under the impression that dressing up for church is a godly custom designed to show our respect for the Lord. It's not. While showing respect for God is always good, that's just not the historical reason for shined shoes, fresh shirts, and attention to style. Nor do we dress to impress each other-although many people do find it uplifting to be among well-turned-out friends.
History is a little fuzzy on this, but as near as anyone can tell, the real reason for our Sunday splendor is so that we'll look good if we happen to run into Emperor Constantine or his aristocratic friends!
Chances for that are not high these days, but originally that was the reason. Constantine and other heavy hitters had a habit of popping up in several of the church buildings he paid for. And when big cathedrals sprang up much later, with European royalty in attendance, the impetus to dress up grew further. Fancy church buildings were the one place that royalty mixed with commoners. Cathedrals, such as those at St. Denis, attracted royalty from all over, and it simply wouldn't do to bump into a prince or contessa in your grubby work clothes.
These are just historical observations, of course. I wouldn't be so foolish as to question the advisability of an ages-old custom like dressing up for church. If snappy clothing brings you closer to God, helps you deal humbly with sin in your life, lets you relax and get your eyes on Christ while feeling closer to your brothers and sisters in church, why, I'm all for it. In fact, maybe I'll join you ... just as soon as I can locate my Christian Dior cravat and Yves Saint Laurent silk suit. link



And how about that collar sequestered on my mirror?


The clerical "backwards collar" deserves to be awarded a small note here. At one brief point in European history, every man who could afford a suit had a shirt or two with a reverse collar. It was simply the style du jour.
Eventually, however, it went the way of all styles, and no one wore it any more-except, that is, for the clergy. Being perpetually underpaid, ministers and missionaries have never been noted for up-to-the-minute fashions. And in this particular case, they continued to wear the now-venerable reverse collar simply because they didn't have the money to refurbish their wardrobes with newer shirts.
link



I am picky about the pictures of me that appear on our website. For example, many nice photos have been taken of me in a tie, but you won’t see any on our site; it would send the wrong message about me, and the typical tone of our people’s dress. As far as I know, no photos are floating around online of me in my“old days” preacher robe (No, Dad, don’t post one). The closest thing I have to an actual photo from that era is this abstract Picasso-esque gem that Shawn Rabon painted of me while I was preaching robe and all. (I thought he was taking copious sermon notes, turns out he was instead inspired to doodle this masterpiece!).



REFORMATIONS, DNA AND PREACHING NAKED

Because at one church I served, we had four worship services (with accompanying degrees of formality/informality) there even was a timee where on Sunday mornings I had more costume changes than Cher. (Though I never had a “wardrobe malfunction" like Janet Jackson, I may have came close as I scurried out of the dressing room). I’d like to say I’d do it again in a hartbeat if it felt like a God-thing. Because I know it’s not about clothes. But if Wolfgang Simson is half-right (and I believe the case that he is even understated here is strong)….:

In rediscovering the gospel of salvation by faith and grace alone, Luther started to reform the Church through a reformation of theology. In the 18th century through movements like the Moravians there was a recovery of a new intimacy with God, which led to a reformation of spirituality, the Second Reformation. Now God is touching the wineskins themselves, initiating a Third Reformation, a reformation of structure. link



…then we should not be surprised if God Himself is orchestrating “structural changes” (including large scale “costume changes” that informalize a lot of clergy) that facilite us being more sensitive to, and Spiritanously open to, the fact that, as Simson says “life..and thus church..is informal.” .

There is an anecdote, perhaps anecdotal (that I can’t find right now) about a former U.S president…probably Hoover or Truman (or someone else with a sly and dry sense of humor) who wanted to prove to a friend visiting the White House that visitors at “meet and greet” photo-op receptions were typically so taken with the glitz and hype of the White House that the ten-second of each to “meet and greet” the president was so unreal and rote that he as president could say anything to the person in line he was shaking hands with, and it wouldn’t register. This was a time when the president’s mother was known to be ill, so many greeters as they shook the president’s hand asked “How’s your mother, Mr. President?”, out of nervousness or just to have something polite to say. So the president whispered to his friend, “Watch this, to the third person who asks me how my mother is, I’ll say “She died this morning,” and they’ll say something like “That’s wonderful, Mr. President,” as they smile for the picture and move on. It worked!

I occasionally felt during those years of “meet and great” at the White House..uh,whorehouse...uh, I mean local church…I mean greeting the line of parishioners at the door… as wonderful as it was, was also at times nothing less than an encouragement for them and me to lie. “How are you?” The answer was usually (supposed to be) “ Fine” whether or not the person had diarrhea, demons, disease or death coming against them.

I still love to greet folks on Sundays…but we are working hard about building informality, honesty and real relationship into our family DNA..including such conversations…We linger, mingle, often as a whole group for extended individual prayer, sharing, or lunch. And though sometimes we still war those masks, at least I am not wearing the robe that would keep me looking too super-human to confess that I..even the “pastor” may feel like crap today.

I know radical transparency calls for wisdom and balance.
See “Real Live Preacher’s” helpful article here, which I call “How much of your pastor do you want to see?”; also Tim Keel’s “Naked in the Pulpit: Preaching as an Act of Imtimacy” .(safe click, don’t worry, no pictures(:..............)

God DID ask Isaiah to preach naked for a few years, though...I am afraid to pray if THAT is God's will for me. (: And I can't not pray the classic 77s song that got them censored.

Someone once said about my father-in law, a Christian leader that “he is so transparent that his underwear shows.” That was a compliment, but I will NOT be preaching/mingling in my underwear…or a formal dress. For me, the polo shirt is symbolic of the balance.

FINAL THOUGHTS

In conclusion, if the (then) young man who first asked me the paradigm-busting, million dollar question that day that changed my life and rocked my world into where it is now, is out there reading:

1)Sorry, you never came back to church. If the dress was the isuue, come on back. I’m safe (though a bit more slovenly) now.

2)”Thanks” is not adequate. This whole new ride I am on, and the delightfully risky, emerging wineskin
I am drinking from is wonderful beyond my wildest dreams. God is personal and profound to me like never before. It’s partly your fault! Bless you!

And a working conclusion about this “wearing a robe” thing:

1 .I can’t imagine doing it. (They are itchy, make it hard to take a bathroom break, and make me feel like an unholy pompous fool. I want to be “just Dave.” ).

2. Besides this more persona, stylistic, emotive reason, I have too many theological reticences about what a robe communicates.

3. I am cool with other pastors doing it, but I don’t think I could ever recommend it.

4. It’s not just about looking to some like I’m wearing a dress. I am hopefully secure enough in my masculinity to don one again, if God (and maybe Harry) so speaks…

a)But it better be writing in the sky.

b)If so, I just hope He speaks about me wearing one that IS my color.(:
Where is that E-Bay page, anyway?

"There’s no way to misunderstand what I do"

Fascinating quote from an intriguing source:

"...(I) confuse some, anger some and make some people feel at home. There’s no way to misunderstand what I do—but everyone can understand it differently. That’s the only way I’ve learned to embrace art—it has to be a question mark, not an answer."


I remember a similar quote...interestingly by another type of artist:
"Peanuts" creator Charles Schulz.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

i am a musical female computer user who reads Chinese


Simply reading the amazing Leonard Shlain's amazing "The Alphabet Verses the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image" (see also his seminal "Art and Physics"), and putting his two and two together made it obvious to me that the demographic most open to what God is doing in this current postmodern reformission...or whatever "this weird moment in history" is to be called....would have to be:

Musical female computer users who read Chinese.


Huh?

This of course may be a fallatious argument, based on the obsolete model of modernity/Newtonian world: linear thought, adding up of rational principles (which indeed is part of the point).

But many studies would suggest...especially in the fastest growing Christian harvest on earth in
our day (and maybe the fastest growing since the early church)..I hit a bingo. Expecially factoring in the underground and house church movement. Have you seen the wonderful DVD "The Cross," documenting the incredible revival birthed by a musical female who reads Chinese (don't know if she has a computer). The whole episode is online here,


Back to Shlain, who concludes that (p 182) languages that are read vertically actually rewire ones brain to provess in a more holistic, image-based, right-brained way...which post-Newtonian physics has shown is the "way" wired into life and the universe; and also (not coincidentally) happens to be the preference of our postmodern age.
There's the Chinese culture being in some sense closer to a Kingdom worldview than others.
(I am reminded of David Crowder's hilarious story; and I wish Alan Hirsch would unpack the meaning of all this).

Computers? Well, the first Reformation was fueled by the printing press, decidedly the most important invention in the last two thousand years..

..until now, with not just computers, but most specifically Google,
deseminating our theses. Leonrad Sweet says we have gone from the Gutenberg Galaxy to the Google. Shlain:

The computer "mouse" liberated the right hand's need to stay within confines...Computer-literates use a hand-eye coordination more spatial than linear...(and)..the computer's unique word-processing programs added still another right-brained talent. The geographical moving about of phrases (etc)..increased the right hemisphere..And there are no
pages to turn in a computer, which further discourages linear thinking. "Scrolling"...is more akin to deciphering vertical Chinese ideograms than reading horizontal alphabet text. (417)

"Reading" computer, like reading Chinese, retrains us to think and feel in a manner startling akin to the way life "should" flow.

The female advantage? They are considerably more right-brained than us no-brain..uh, left-brain men. And check this: Shlain suggests that "writing of any kind will realign the gender politics of any culture." Even though Chinese culture may seem sexist and patriarchal in ways, "Chinese men chose to construct their patronymics upon the spine of a maternal symbol...An ancient Chinese character for "wife" also meant "equal." (180)

Music? Right-brained...and if Len Sweet's succinct summary of string theory is at all accurate, "The universe is at base, music," them cultures with a bias towards music will find God's voice prints quicker than the rest. Cioran, a professed agnostic who "knew" music (notably, Bach) was evidence of God, must be read (try reading him in Chinese!)Not just in music, but "Chinese writing is emphasis on form...Content supercedes form in the West, form is an indispensable adjunct to content in the east. One must be artistic to read Chinese well." (Shlain, 183).

Insightful studies such as "The Mozart Effect" are telling here; see also "This is Your Brain on Music" which offers compelling evidence that those who listen to music...and especially those who create it...literally experience the connecting and merging of otherwise disparate parts of their brain.

I can't help but wonder why the most effective evangelist in postmodern Japan (although not female) is...

Bach (check this)!

And my question for Scottis: what might be the implications for Oriental jazz (since evertone knows that jazz is right-brained and all that other Godstuff (see
HOW JAZZ CAN BREAK THE HERESY OF WHITE CHRISTIANITY)

--

I feel kickstarting my right brain and mind into praying/singing something like,

"Lord, make me as much as possible

a musical female computer user who reads Chinese..

(sans the sex-change, please)...

Amen

and

A
M
E
N

Later note: Here's a sequel




beer evangelism

a great beer evangelism story here on our forum..

In fact, why are there so many beer stories on our

forum:



Len, always prophetic, reminds us that Jesus...as Len... prefers wine.


And there is indeed www.beerchurch.com,
and one of our church's favorite songs..check this jukebox here.

Of course, the first church plant we spawned is pastored by Tom McCann aka St. Guinness...

Fenelon & Bono Carrying Kitschy Crosses Through K Mart

"Imperfect as we ourselves are; we only know ourselves partly; and the same self-love which causes our failings hides them very subtly, both from others and ourselves...Self-love cannot bear to see itself...but the same light which shows our faults would remove them." -Fenelon, "The Royal Way of the Cross", p. 53

That's not only the second reason why Bono wore sunglasses almost non-stop through the 1990's, but it may be why he allowed himself to unapologetically pick his nose at a press conference.

It was not staged.

It happens at 0:54 if you must see it.

Then on to the other deep



lessons of the conference.

It's exceptionally easy to become proud of your humility.

It's hugely hard to be self-effacing while using irony and wearing pride to poke fun at your pride.

But if wielded well, it eventually works because the model is inherently incarnational and redemptional ("stealing from the thieves," Bono said).

I am rejoicing at finding the complete 1997 U2 press conference at K Mart on YouTube.

It became famous for the following exchange (watch it here):
CBS New York correspondent: "Is there any significance to holding this press conference on Ash Wednesday and staging the first date in Las Vegas?"
Bono: "A-ha - Ash Wednesday! That's very well spotted! I reckon the combination of Ash Wednesday and K-Mart just about sums U2 up, and therein lie our contradiction and the cross we carry.

Fenelon dovetails again. (Come on Bono, admit you have his books by your bedside) He speaks to "the right use of crosses": "The more we fear to bear crosses, so much the more do we need them " (163)

Even when our crosses lead to K mart, carry and follow them.

Bono clarifies the particular shape of their cross in the 9os:

"...Ash Wednesday and K-Mart just about sums U2 up, and therein lie our contradiction and the cross we carry. Carnival means a lotto me, because carnival should be the celebration of the flesh going into the denial which leads into Easter. Unfortunately, in Ireland we tend to forget about the carnival and go big on the denial ! Well, maybe we can be the carnival."

The Edge: "We believe in trash, we believe in kitsch, and thats what we are up to at the moment."





Ah, it is good to learn how to "be and do" church again from some of the masters: Fenelon the mystic, speaking from his prayer-cave....and U2 speaking prayerfully at K-Mart.

In the lingerie section.

If you are not familiar with this highly misunderstood era of theirs...the bombast and irony of one tour leading to prophetic kitsch of the next; demythologizing, embracing contradiction..
read up on it; starting with Beth. Maybe discovering the secret of the sunglasses and the deal with dressing as the devil ("cross-dressing"in the sense of carrying his cross lead him to dress this way) along the way.


Bono: "We still have the same ideals, we've just learnt to look like we don't. We've got a little smarter on that one.",,,

US radio journalist: "That song 'Holy Joe' which you played to us earlier - is that title, together with the album name 'Pop', an attempt to deflate the aura of sainthood which has been around U2 for years and years?"
Bono: (smiling broadly, and heavily tongue-in-cheek) "Ah, it just won't go away, will it ? No matter about all these miracles, all these stadium tours and tinsel and televisions we use, I'm always going to be the fucker with the white flag as far as you are concerned! Isn't that right?"
US radio joumalist: (defensively) "I'm not putting my opinion, just asking
whether you're trying to deflate that perception."
Bono: "Yes. The honest truth is that U2 are still the bleeding hearts club. Our music is still painfully and insufferably earnest. We've just got really smart at disguising that fact and throwing people off our trail. If we'd called 'Achtung Baby' by any other name, I think we'd have been taken out and hung. But here we are, and it looks like you've copped onto us!" link


Fenelon: "One must imitate God's own way of dealing with the soul; softening his rebuke, so that the person rebuffed feels as if it were rather self-reproach,and a sense of wounded love, than God rebuking" (p. 54)

More of the conference:


The Edge comments: "We're here to sell our tour to the world..and I don't see any better place than K Mart to do that." Did K Mart realize they let the band into their store to prophesy against it?" Indeed Bono later expresses (feigns?) surprise (8:45) that the store let them in at all.
But he knows how hard it is to resist a request from the biggest band in the world.

That's the rub.

All prophecy is eventually targeted at some commercialism/prejudice. It's all the Temple Tantrum remixed and reloaded. And there is "no better place" to do it/act it out than in the temple/church/K Mart. There is no other place. There is no other method and wineskin than the risky one that might be called prophetic kitsch. In the middle of kitsch.

K Mart is the temple courts.

Only prophetic, Fenelonian kitsch can turn the tables, and get us out.

We are in KMart, but not of it. In the church, but not of it. Otherwise we just sell stuff for Christ's sake.

Bono (in a section viewable beginning at 2:00) also confesses that in the large spaces of the stadiums, they are "making fun of playing in a very large space."

Anytime I am in a large space (churchwise), I have to lovingly and cruelly kitsch it and make fun not just of the space, but me being there.

"Large spaces...It turns out you can actually do something very special in them; you can turn these concrete and steel mausoleums into.."

Here is where he is expected to say "...into an intimate authentic relationship and encounter."

But watch the suppressed smirk as he finishes the sentence:

"you can actually do something very special in them; you can turn these concrete and steel mausoleums into shopping malls."

Then adds.."That was a joke."

Or was it?

All shopping malls are converted mausoleums.

We pave parking lots and put up a paradise.

Concrete and steel cannot not sell.

And sell death.


Dismantle that!

Any size or style church can be, and inevitably is institutionalized and a " concrete and steel mausoleum." It's not just a megachurch phenomenon. But to catch it we must kitsch it.
To steal it back and redeem it, we must enter its pit, all the while despising its shame and smell. It's exorcism by laughter. It's radical humility that can laugh at system and self, and come out stronger.

Or more honest and broken.

Any attempt to "be emerging " (especially if destined to be the "anti-concrete church") can wind up commercialista; doomed to morph into shopping mall instead of Kingdom relationship.

That was a joke.

Or was it?

Finally the classic at the end of this clip:

CNN reporter: "By holding your press conference in this setting, you surely don't mean to suggest that your music is flimsily constructed from cheap materials and that it's discountable and ultimately disposable, do you?"
Bono: " I agree with every word you just said apart from
'discountable'."

P.S. Note Bono picks his nose again at 3:54.

You can't discount that.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Eugene Peterson on loud farts

Eugene Peterson, "Answering God: The Psalms as Tools For Prayer":






"gnostics delight in secrecy. They are prototypical insiders. They think that access to the eternal is by password and that they know the password. They love insider talk and esoteric lore. They elaborate complex myths that account for the descent of our spiritual selves into this messy world of materiality, and then map the complicated return route. They are fond of diagrams and the enlightened teachers who explain them. Their sensitive spirits are grieved by having to live surrounded by common people with their sexual leers and stupid banana-peel jokes and vulgar groveling in the pigsty of animal appetite. Gnostics who go to church involuntarily pinch their noses on entering the pew, nervously apprehensive that an insensitive usher will seat a greasy sinner next to them. They are however enabled to endure by the considerable compensation of being ‘in the know’ (gnostic means ‘the one who knows’). It is a good feeling to know that you are a cut above the common herd, superior to almost everyone you meet on the street or sit beside in church.
It is inevitable that gnostics will boycott the creation theater and avoid its language as much as possible, for metaphor is an affront to their gossamer immaterialities and inner-ring whispers, a loud fart in the salon of spirituality.” (Answering God, 75-76)

Yes, I read this quote in church Sunday...But I think folks in a certain corner of the room were laughing at what happened next.. Maybe Scottis will tell the story?
Maybe KKen will leave it on our podcast? I dunno..it all comes out in the end..

BONUS: If you have never laughed when someone farted in a worship gathering, rethink by joining me on the Temple Mount..by reading this.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

"put Your right hand on my heart"


Rolling Stone called them "perhaps the best unsigned band in America."

Then no one less than Dave Matthews signed them to his label.

Their drummer won Esquire's "Best Drummer in America."

And check out these reviews..



All I knew until today is that their single, "Right Hand on My Heart" is featured on a Paste magazine sampler CD. Then, yesterday, I actually found time....in between flights, in the Salt Lake City airport... to play it.

It was with only halfhearted expectation I might find one tack I liked that I placed on the headphones on.

But I could have easily missed my plane.

Even though it is partly true, as one reviewer said "Every city in American has a band that has mastered this sound," I still felt like I was listening to history/future being made. The official bio: "this young band already has a distinctive identity and a sound that, though informed by the past, doesn't ape anyone else" is closer to the truth

I am a sucker for their early 90s sound and optimism.

I am intrigued by their passion and God-haunted lyrics.

They didn't hit me as extremely original, but somehow the song gave me chills I hadn't experienced since discovering Cockburn, The Violet Burning, the 77s (also lauded by Rolling Stone in 1986, still seen by many as the best band that's not a household word)...or the day I first heard a new little combo on WPLR New Haven in 1980 (uh, four guys from Ireland).

In my googling since I got home, I haven't found out if the guys in The Whigs are Christian..but they have toured with Mutemath, and have been interviewed by a pastor for Relevant Magazine.


They have been playing to crowds of twelve...and even then reviewers write things like :
"It was unequivocally the best concert I have ever seen."

They recorded their first record in a frat house with equipment they bought on EBay, and then resold there to make a bit of money to make their second (it just came out).
Surprisingly, I can't even google up the lyrics to "Right Hand."

But since they played it on Letterman the other night (they are known for winning fans with live performances), all that will (or should) change.
It reminded me of watching Tom Petty singing "Refugee"on Saturday Night Live in 1979, knowing that he would be a star by morning.


Watch the Letterman version of "Right Hand on My Heart" below, hear the studio version on MySpace, or catch the free legal mp3 here.



All the fallen leaves will find their branches again
Raindrops from the heavens I'll eventually swim
A river, an ocean, a wave in my heart
We got your money now we'll make a new start

All the fallen leaves will find their branches again
Raindrops in the heavens I'll eventually swim
River, an ocean, a wave in my heart
We got your money now we'll make a new start

In another week, i promise
In another year, i promise

Put your right hand on my heart

All the fallen leaves will find their branches again
The raindrops in the heavens I'll eventually swim
Don't bypass the train-tracks that lead to my heart
We got your money now we'll make a new start

All the fallen leaves will find their branches again
Raindrops in the heavens I'll eventually swim
River, an ocean, a wave in my heart
We got your money now we'll make a new start

In another week, promise?
In another year, promise?

Put your right hand on my heart

Your right hand on my heart
Your right hand on my heart
Feel the promise of my beating heart

All the fallen leaves will find their branches again
Raindrops in the heavens I'll eventually swim
River, an ocean, a wave in my heart
We got your money now we'll make a new start